I see you

I see you counting down the days and hoping that maybe this month it will happen.

I see you as the quiet tears fall down your face when you realize that once again, it’s not your time.

I see you sat in waiting rooms, dreading another blood test but knowing you would do anything to hold a baby in your arms.

I see you become an expert on levels and numbers and being so focused that some days you feel like you are losing your mind.

I see you sit in the doctor’s offices holding onto your belly and praying that it’s not true.

I see the pain in your eyes as you try and hold onto the hope that maybe they were wrong.

I see you weeping as you hear the news.

I see you as your heart breaks and you wonder how you will make it through.

I see you as you listen to all the details without hearing a word they are saying.

I see you as you realize the end has come before it really had a chance to begin.

I see you as you drive home silently not knowing what to say.

I see you as you grieve the loss of the life that was so short lived.

I see you as you hold your baby for the last time.

I see you as you to try to comprehend what is happening before you.

I see you as you weep in the quiet, cold hospital room.

I see you as lay there thinking that this pain will destroy you.

I see you as you say goodbye before you had enough hellos.

I see you as you try to figure out how to love one someone so much but then have to learn how to let them go.

I see you as they wheel you out of the hospital with empty arms.

I see you as you enter the house that was ready for a baby you will never bring home.

I see you feeling so empty and alone and wondering if you will ever be the same again.

I see you because I see me.

I see all the times that I felt so alone, confused, and heartbroken.

I see every doctors appointment, every diagnosis, every loss and some days I still feel them like they were just yesterday.

I see you, and I want you to know you are not alone. The grief and loss will hurt and probably for a long time but there are others that have walked this path before you and what I can tell you is that one day maybe weeks, months or even years from now the pain will begin to subside.

Although you will never be the same, you will learn to navigate this life even with the scars. If you allow the Father to carry you when you no longer have the strength, allow yourself to feel the depth of the pain and the loss, you will make it through and one day you will smile again.