A couple of weeks ago my husband and I had the joy of being able to visit Pawleys Island and catch up with friends and family. It was a great week, we had a wonderful time seeing our friends and getting to spend some quality time with our family. For me one of the greatest joys was getting to spend time with my nephew, he is four months old and is one of the happiest babies I have ever known ( I know I’m probably biased… but still!😉) We would hang out on the rocking chair while my sister did some gardening, or would giggle while we were driving in the car, he would cuddle and fall asleep on me in morning prayers.
My time with him was so precious and I cherished every moment of it. Now for any of you who are aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. you have probably experienced your own special times with your nieces and nephews, but for me this last week was a reminder again of the amazing redemptive and healing power of Jesus.
My husband and I were told a number of years ago that we had a 5% chance of having a baby. When we were first given the news I was devastated. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother and now the likelihood of that was very slim. I was brokenhearted and confused.
Every time a friend would tell me that she was pregnant, I would be torn between excitement for them and my own sadness that I would probably never get that opportunity. I was genuinely excited and happy for them, but the sadness was still there and my old wound reopened – each time forcing me to deal with the mix of emotions once again. The only way I could move on from the sadness and the sense of loss was to spend time with Jesus and be really honest with Him. There would be times I would just sob; I mourned the loss of something I never had.
Last August my sister told me she was pregnant and I went through those same emotions all over again. I was so excited for them but had this deep level of sadness too. For weeks and maybe even months I struggled with being able to fully experience the joy of this new life with my sister. Thankfully through prayer, honest conversations with Jesus and time I finally was able to let go of the sadness and confusion and started to experience more of the joy of this new life that was entering our family.
One day last October my sister sent me an ultrasound picture of my nephew, as I looked at this picture I was overwhelmed by the love I felt for this little baby that I have never even met. It brought me to tears and this time they were tears of joy. Then on January 26, 2012, my nephew, Finley Sanderson David Culmer, was born and I was filled with joy. As I saw the pictures of this little baby I was brought to tears again; this baby was the newest member of our family and I couldn’t wait to meet him. Just two weeks later we had the opportunity to fly to South Carolina to see him. There was still a little apprehension of how I would feel when the reality of it was in front of me, but when I held him all the apprehension melted away and I was once again overwhelmed with love for this precious little baby.
I can’t tell you how much healing this precious little child has brought to me. I love him so much and miss him every day! Thankfully with today’s technology, we can FaceTime and fly back to see him every few months. 
Although our journey to parenthood is still far from over I know whatever happens the Lord has a greater plan than me. One day we will be parents I know that without a shadow of a doubt! There are still days when this journey is harder than others, but I am so thankful to God for blessing me with the gift of my nephew and for knowing how to heal my heart in the most miraculous and amazing ways!